The Need for Routine and the Breaking Point

It's a well-documented fact that I have a bit of a problem with transitions. So I entered into my new position, in a new country, with a bit of trepidation. I hoped that I would have matured enough (HA!) to be able to transition with grace, but I was prepared for the inevitable to occur.

And occur it did... 

It started in the airport in NORFOLK, as lame as that is. I wanted to play a joke on my mother by doing  the whole Superbad thing where Evan speed-walks away from Becca and says "Byeee" awkwardly. So when we get to Security I said, "Okay well byeee" and started to walk away to hear her saying, "WAIT I DON'T GET A HUG?!" I laughed and laughed and then instantly started to cry because it was just too real! Poor Margaret. There I am through my tears trying to say, "I'M REALLY OKAY. DON'T LET THE TEARS BOTHER YOU."

After I finally got to London (6 hours later than I thought), I had to jump so instantly in to my job that I didn't even have time to reflect on my new situation. And then the students arrived and naturally I had to appear completely pulled together and grown-up. Although I did have a student assume I was an undergraduate as well. Nope, buddy. I have a MASTER'S degree, okay?! Not to brag or anything.

It wasn't until last week that everything hit the fan, in a spectacular fashion. In retrospect, I was tired. Every single day since arrival had been filled with work, whether in the office, from home, or for a program with the students. The night before, I had been half an hour late to meet a friend for dinner because of a work thing. Then that day I had a particularly stressful day at work, building myself up to the breaking point. The straw that broke the camel's back came a little bit later, when I thought the stars would not align to allow me to do something I had planned to do on my personal time.

And then... the breaking point.

I graciously took this opportunity to just melt down over every aspect of my life. I feel like I almost had a very methodical approach to my meltdown - you know what I mean? I recognized rationally that things would work out, that I had XYZ to help me, that even if something didn't go precisely as I planned, it would still be fine. But I deliberately decided to ignore the rational part of my brain and just embrace the irrationality.

The worst part came when I watched the finale of Pretty Little Liars and sobbed over the beautiful love between two of the characters. I know. I know. Worst of all, the one character ended up betraying the other at the end of the episode! (Spoilers).

I indulged in my meltdown until the end of the night, which I capped off with a planned Skype date with a newish friend, who kindly allowed me to just rant away despite not really knowing me that well. Bless her.

And the next morning? I literally leapt out of bed, excited for the day. It may have been rainy and cold, but it was new.

And since then, the things that had worried me have worked out nicely. Everything else will be sorted eventually. And for now, I have a molten lava cake from the grocery store waiting for me. All will be well.

My dad sent me this photo a while ago
and entitled it "Cats working."
I would LOVE that job, please!